The chill of it

The day visit was over and no more was said of it, not a mention of them again, almost like they never even came at all.

Back to the norm then, i was learning welsh, even though i was still behind in the classroom i was picking up more and more. Still no friends to go playing with after school, it was either straight back to grandmothers or the bus back to the caravan. I must admit i preferred the caravan as my grandmothers brother gave me the creeps, always trying to give you a kiss and saying come here. A horrible creepy man and like i have said before the features of Albert Steptoe. I spent most of the time hiding or trying my best to get outside to play to be away from him. Once in the car with my father he passed him on the side of the road as apparently he would beg for change from passers by on the only one road in and out of Corris. My father was talking to him and he spotted me in the back in the dark and was trying to grab me from inside the car saying give us a kiss, my dad was laughing as he thought it was funny i was terrified of the dirty old man. Life apart from that i suppose wasn’t that bad, but some things were made worse by the oncoming winter and the cold it brings. It get gets real cold in the mountains of North Wales especially if you have to bath in a rock pool when not at the grandmothers, did i forget to mention there was no shower or toilet in the caravan. don’t forget this wasn’t a haven holiday park, no fancy club house, electric or hot running water apart from what you boiled. Milk from under bridge of the stream , bathing in the rock pool when it was warm enough and yes the pleasure of going to the toilet with a piece of newspaper whilst hanging onto a branch of a tree while crouching over the flowing river and yes i did fall in sometimes, saves hanging on though. Oh yes the joys of caravanning and outdoor living, i felt more sorry for the dogs to be honest having to sleep out in it. I was lucky i had the blankets for the cold nights and it was cold. The first ever snow i remember seeing was in Corris and it was fantastic all the hill and tress covered white. Not the one inch of snow that seems to bring places like London to a halt these days , but masses of it , deep and soft and would last what seemed like forever, well the gritters cant get there to melt it all away, you would be lucky in the village to have any electricity if it snowed hard. It never stopped my dad though he was always up to something weather sun, rain or snow.

Up to no good mostly

Stop and Stare

Stop and stare
I think I’m moving but I go nowhere
Yeah I know that everyone gets scared
But I’ve become what I can’t be
Stop and stare
You start to wonder why you’re here not there
And you’d give anything to get what’s fair
But fair ain’t what you really need
Can u see what I see

Surprise surprise

A normal day i thought.

The same routine Dogs barking first thing in the morning and me and Andrew go off into the forest to play. We make our way back for dinner and can hear strange voices, well i say strange but in fact they are English voices , you don’t hear many around these parts, not many people come off the beaten track to the middle of the forestry. But i recognise them, Its my mum, step dad brother sister and step brother. I must be going home i think. I don’t know how i feel about this, have i missed my mum, the answer has to be no, but i have missed my brother and sister. So we appear from the forest and the children all run up as kids do, my mum is there talking to my dads wife and my dad to his old best mate my step father. Mum says hello and asks if i am enjoying myself and i answer yes and she gives me a hug. My step dad picks me up and squeezes me , he was always nice to me so i don’t mind. I am told by my dad that i am going out for the day with my mum , so off we all get into their car and away we go. Out of Corris and up the main road past the old slate mine and up into the mountains. This is the furthest i have been in the daylight since i arrived here, up and up and then what seems to me then to be the steepest road you have ever seen. The road is in-between two mountains with a massive lake at the bottom, its amazing. over the top and we make the way down to a town called Dolgellau, a small town with tall grey houses in the shadow of a mountain called Cader Idris. We make our way thru the narrow streets and stop outside a house. Out we get , mum knocks the door and a white haired old lady answers, a great grandma and my great granddad and my mothers mum. Well again i don’t know these people but strange thing is the others do, but no surprise there. All i can really remember is playing in the garden and a photo being taken as i was busy with my bothers and sister. Before i know it we are back in the car and heading back the way we came, back into Corris, are we going to stop or go straight back to Kent. No we turn off and thru the village towards the forestry. Back at the caravan a cup of tea is had by the adults and then i,m beckoned and everyone hugs and kisses me and says goodbye. what’s going on, why are they going without me, too many questions for my young fucked up brain to handle. So i guess i,ll go back to Chris world once again and shut it all off, don’t get upset then do i. When i was older i would come to accept that i was picked up just for the sake of appearances, so my mother would not be embarrassed infront of her own family and have to explain that their grandchild was in fact living about 15 minutes away from them without their knowledge and the reasons why. Pity she didn’t think about how a 8 year old boy would feel after they had up and left or wonder what mental scars it would leave on him. But thanks for the visit.